Fear has been the greatest hindrance to my life since I can remember. The fear of failing, fear of not being good enough, fear of not being liked… the list goes on. It comes from my overactive, over-thinking mind and it keeps me from going after the things I want to do.  Living in fear is a terrible way to live, if you can call it living at all.

God recently wrecked shop and called me out on my fear through a series at church called Be Rich. I realized I could’ve spent this year serving along side RHC in a year-long internship. I didn’t pursue it because of my fear. Perhaps I needed to learn the lessons I’ve learned the hard way. The fear that struck me when I graduated college was the fear of missing the mark, of picking the wrong road and not being able to turn back. God gave me signs of what He wanted to do with my life, but I wanted a handwritten letter with a map and final destination. God didn’t talk to be through a burning bush or a thunderous cloud, so I sat still. I did nothing in fear of choosing wrong. But now I know that’s not the way it works. Sometimes, you just have to do something. God reveals Himself one moment at a time, one step at a time. Faith and patience are key; fear is not an option.

I also feared the act of raising support. Asking people about money? Yeah, so not my thing. But surprisingly, I’m not the least bit worried about money this time around, to be honest. If my God-given passions are leading me this way, then I’m confident He’ll provide me a way of income. It all about faith. In order to be rich in faith, we have to fear less; to be rich in obedience, we have to serve more. Like 2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

So the big question now is: where in ministry would I be most effective and helpful in? My first stop was Come&Live, a non-profit community dedicated to spreading the gospel by joining hands with artists {musicianaries}, and providing them with guidance, direction and accountability to model a life of genuine faith. I spoke with Founder Chad Johnson, who said he loved hearing my “heartbeat” and my ideas for the ministry. Sadly, he could not take on another person at the moment but would save my résumé for a later date. Despite the news, I was encouraged by Johnson, and was further reassured that I was on the right path.

This weekend has been especially great. My boyfriend Chris and I have been having many conversations about our faith, our struggles and what we think God wants for us. During one of these conversations, I was presented with questions I didn’t know the answer to, so I took to the Internet for some resources. In my attempt to search for the email of pastor Matt Carter from the Austin Stone Community Church, I came across an opening for a “storyteller”– a journalist to interview those who are making disciples within the city and tell their stories at the Austin Stone. The storyteller would be working specifically out of their For The City network—an initiative that seeks to serve and restore those who need help in the community. I read that post and immediately applied. This is the position I’ve been waiting for.

I used to be afraid of failing at something that really mattered to me, but now I’m more afraid of succeeding at things that don’t matter.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s